#29

Sometimes i'd think to myself- 

what if nothing has ever changed?

I'm not apathetic about our friendship, i just don't know what to do

or what to say

What's the right thing to do? I don't even know

I don't wanna do anything misleading,

I still wanna be friends even though things are so different now

But i also wanna stop hurting you

It just seems like everything i do,
has this potential to cause you emotional pain unintentionally

And that really scares me.

Still, the thought of this past makes it a little harder to breathe.

A sudden weight that makes my heart heavier,

A force that makes my heart a little tighter

I know i may seem to be so happy all the time, from my pictures, tweets, and everything

But to be honest, that's not completely true.
It just somehow makes me happier, to think that i am.

Sounds so crazy and ridiculous i know, but that's true.

Distractions- it keeps me going and stops me from thinking 

And even though time has helped me a lot in getting past all these 

I don't think this feeling would ever go away.

Yeah, this feeling.

I can't even explain what it is,

I don't think i'd ever be able to put it out properly in words

i know it won't come out right

but i'm afraid

So, so afraid.

Well, still. I hope you are fine