W O R T H L E S S

#71

I give up, really.

It's like no matter how much i do, how hard i try

I am never good enough.

I can never be good enough, ever.

Im not even asking for a lot

I don't expect much from myself

but i guess doing my best is not going to be enough.

What exactly is enough? I don't know, i honestly don't.

I hate this feeling.

Why am i constantly going through this ridiculous emotional rubbish?

One moment I'm motivated and the next I'm crushed.

All the attempts to study everyday will not help.

Because i am stuck with this useless brain

I am fucking useless, i am a good for nothing 

Nothing is ever gonna change that.

Really don't wanna feel so demoralized 

Dont wanna disappoint anyone especially my parents but i can't help this feeling.

So affected now I can't even start working on my other assignments

This ridiculous grade took whatever optimism or motivation left in me away,

Almost immediately.

I really don't understand why i put myself through this..

I am so worthless.

School is killin' me

I don't know how long i can take this

I really feel like disappearing

I mean it, get me out of here

I can't deal with this anymore,

I am so unhappy here.

#70

Hello everyone

I am alive hahaha amazing

Week 9 is coming to an end in... a days time 

school is really hectic it's insane,

so much work and assignments to complete 

and to top it all off, PRESENTATIONS AND EXAMS

then lalala welcome dec hols

*spreads arms out widely*

I absolutely cannot wait for this day to come, that feeling of liberation... i miss you :'(

hahaha okay for now i will try my best not to break down again

SUCK. IT. UP

yes, just a little bit more......

Am also trying very hard to forgive myself for doing such a shit piece of essay for my TWC assignment cuz i was completely c l u e l e s s and stressed out, and ended up not using much of what i researched on for 2 days....... and really really screwing it up so badly i don't even think i will get a.... C? 

Er... idk :'( SIGH 

Also, the shit mid terms for calculus on wednesday, trust me it was so bad. Whats new right...? 

Me... math..... no. 

NO. 

ok, it should be a yes 

I will make myself love math, practice practice practice i cannot emphasize enough.... 

Didn't spend much time doing so (i admit) because i really was trying to work on the twc assignment which failed me anyway, so i kinda screwed 2 things up, nicely done valentina yong. 

Better next time

I will be. 

But anyway, have been trying to keep up w school work

SPENT MY ENTIRE WEEK STUDYING W WAN ZHEN <3

(HAHAHAHA GORJUZ)

Hahahahaha i am so glad to have a study buddy in such an unknown land

hahahaha heartland macs study buddy 4ever :>

Don't expect results of all these mugging to be immediate,

but i really do hope that all these hardwork + no-life kind of life will pay off at the end of the semester..

Really am trying! 

It really suck having to spend friday nights and weekends studying/revising/working on assignments 

All these mugging have also caused me to fall sick, just 2 days ago

i was suddenly down w stomach flu...? Weird.

Dragged myself to school for my 1.5h 830am class even though i felt like i was about to collapse anytime

not forgetting to mention the disgusting train ride to school

long and arduous, so uncomfortable having to squeeze on the train + all the motion sickness which made my nausea much worse than it alr was..

i thought i was gonna puke on someone hahahahaa omg imagine if that really happened... 

idk what i would do hahahaha ok but thankfully it didn't so yay

got home after school and slept for like almost 6h straight

hahaha think i really needed that sleep 

Felt much better after that although there was still some queasiness and all but ok

Despite this discomfort, I forced myself to be studious and managed to drag myself (again) to macs 

hahaahha attempted to study but......... wasn't very productive but its alright, managed to read a bit of 'footsteps' ahahha its a book we have to do for my political science book review.

Its a pretty interesting book actually, surprisingly! Haha ok at least reading it wouldn't be that bad

i can do this go go go

Had TWC makeup class today...

yes on a saturday morning at 830am. 

That is two consecutive lessons of TWC

overdoseeeeeeeee :o

I feel so lost :'( Hahaha and i was so tired this morning i was just stoning 3/4 of the time 

oh well.

Went to bb frolick to collect my pay cheque!!!! ok at least i won't be as pathetic as before now w that leeeedle bit of $$$.... and KINDER SURPRISE!!!

Jessie popped by too to collect her cheque :)))

So happy to see her my barbz J!!!

Hahaha haven't seen her for months, cuz she went overseas for exchange + she's busy interning now 

wished althee could be there too, unity *.*

hahahahaha oh well 

but vvv happy cuz i managed to do some catching up w my beloved j :D

finally!!!!! Miss u love u~~~

then got home and slacked around for a bit and now i am currently at macdonalds....

blogging

hahahahahahahahaha omg... ok but i was studying before this. Just ending the session early cuz i was getting restless and unproductive anyway.

Shall study harder tomorrow, i promise myself!! 

Loads of work to do so lol i don't think i have a choice... 

but somehow idk about you guys but productivity rate feels slightly, sliiiightly lower on fri and sat (esp at night?) Hahaha don't know la. zzzzz hahaha 

ok pics pics pics 

(taken during break!!!)

 

 Hehe okay 

goodnight <3

#69

Day two of recess week

haven't studied or done any work

but.... let's not care too much about it lol

I can try to do some revision later :s no promises though ahhh

Don't even wanna study at all during the whole break

UNI IS SO TIRING -whines- hahaha sigh

okay anyway! Went to school today for this cip talk with melmel

i was almost late for it, rushed like M A D 

and walked like nv before from city hall to school of accountancy 

hahahaha heart was racing srsly haahha

okay but i made it!!! YES :)))

\0/\0/\0/

Decided to shop after the talk hahahaha

bus-ed to town whee

Went to 313 and orchard central :>

spent so much, fml

I really don't have any self control 

it's crazy!!! 

alright but anyway I'm quite happy with my buys nevertheless

 2 of the 5 items i bought today :)

Also not forgetting to wish my best friend cheryl 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! <3

You're the bestest friend anyone can ever have <3

I'm so so thankful to have you in my life!

Thank you for all that you've done for me bb!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

xxx

hahaha hope today went well for u guys

baibai hahahahaha

#68

HI TED!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA omg so bored

T.T

#67

Recess week!!!! 

Hahaha omg so happy, have been looking forward to this week

ONE WEEK OFF SCHOOL, SO THANKFUL ^^

Haha really need to take a break, school is killin' me lol

Haven't really been studying or doing much work since last wednesday..

in fact i didn't even do anything hahaaa :s

Im just so tired honestly, i am making myself so stressed and unhappy

And i don't want that...

I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY~~~

Wish i could not care about anything else

haha oh well. 

Anyway, last week i finally went to the salon to get my hair dyed again :>

Was initially planning to just touchup the roots hahaha but like...

i was quite sick of the light brown hair hahahahaha so i decided to go for a darker color hahaha

so here it is! 

Dark brown with red highlights :D

(This is how it looks like under light/sun!)

Hahahaha quite happy with my hair, big thank u to my hairdresser! :)

Also, i got an inch cut off ..... hahahaha i know its not significant (can't even tell the diff in length)

I JUST CAN'T BEAR TO CUT MORE hahahaha 

i wanna be rapunzel woohoo *.* ok I'm kidding hahaha

but i kinda got the perms/waves cut off so i kind of have slightly wavy and straighter hair now

like this....

I don't know if i should perm it again or just leave it like this hmmm d i l e m m a 

#VAINPOTPAINS lol ahhaaha

maybe i'll just stick to this, so it'll be less damaging to my already very damaged hair 

come to think of it, I've had perms since sec4.. 

thats like 3 years alr woah :o

hahahaha 

okay anyway!!! 

I also went to zouk on fri ahha yay after such a long time :)

To celebrate Ruiwen's 24th birthday 

with the rest of our super duper cool CT group

CT = Creative Thinking 

Hahahahaha sounds lame but i have a very cool group!

hahahaha had so much fun with them at wine bar!

Also, got to know Amy at ruiwen's bday, she's such a sweet girl!! <3

 Met Alethia, jess and everyone after that at velvet lounge :) hahaha

SO HAPPY TO SEE THE GIRLS! :)

Sour plum shots :)

 Had a lot of fun on friday night ^^ 

i love you all!

Went to work on sat and today

I NEED TO EARN MONEYYY

I think i might have to start busking alr hahahah

4real omg :'(

hahaha trying to use this one week break to earn more money, 

(and also do some revision...)

i think i have work due after this week

lol so much for the break... lies

haha but i am gonna live in this lie for now

hahahahahah omg lol

I feel much happier when there isn't school 

significantly happier lol sigh hahaha

Just saw some pics from Alethia's birthday last sunday :)

Such nice pictures!!!

Hahahaha some of my favourites :)

 -WATCHING THE VIDEO DONOVAN MADE FOR ALETHIA- 

 I like how we are all so happy for this girl <3

Hehe so much love! 

last long last forever!!! :)

Hahahaha alright, have a good good break smu students :)

And for those who have work/school still

have a good week ahead <3