#121

Hello everyone

It's tuesday, the second day of my week 

and I'm broke.

Spent all my $ on cab, i think if there was a loyalty point accumulation system

I would've accumulated like 1000000 points hahahahahha

But shit man, time management fail big time

Shall eat grass for the remaining days of the week 

Sigh

#120

#119: Thoughts

To be honest, i really don't know what is it that i'm feeling exactly

I know i have a habit of hiding my feelings, hoping that i can actually feel better by lying. Maybe

I think maybe sometimes it really is better to be extremely guarded than to let someone in 

Because when you do, you become vulnerable.

Its like you're giving others the power to hurt you

They can break you

(whatever the intentions were)

And then you start thinking and maybe blame yourself for even letting them in in the first place

Because if you didn't, you could have avoided everything

But then again, not everything is within your control.

Some things are inevitable

Sometimes you need to experience hurt to learn.

That's the truth, sad but true.

But whatever it is, 

i just wanna say that I'm thankful for the memories

and with this, i end the chapter here.

x

And like flowers, may we once again bloom.

Hopefully

#118

I'm really starting to question the purpose of me being here
Ive never seen myself as someone smart but I've always strived to be a fighter
No matter how far behind or how incompetent i felt,
these negative feelings will be pushed aside
(because i force myself to shut these demoralizing thoughts out)
and i continue to compete, not with others but with myself
But anyway, the truth is
I've been struggling so hard and i really feel like giving up
It sucks especially when my results don't reflect on the amount of effort I've put in
Hard work really doesn't necessarily pay off.
And yeah, 'everything happens for a reason'
but i just cannot justify.
Why does this happen all the time?
I really don't think I'm up to it
I feel dumb, stupid, useless, incompetent and resigned
I'm so tired
Physically and mentally drained
So damn fucking tired
So sick of disappointments
I've had enough,
I'm just done.