#98: Just some personal thoughts

I know i said that i didn't wanna think too much about the whole end of the world prophecy,

but i just chanced upon some videos online about it
i wouldn't say that I'm completely convinced that it will happen 
but i wouldn't rule out that possibility either, no?

And it really sets me thinking..

We all know how life can be so fragile and unpredictable.

The moment you're born, it also means that you are going to die.

We all are, someday. There is no escape.

Something we all hate but still have to face eventually anyway.

But do you ever wonder, if you knew when you were going to die
what would your last words be? 
And who would be the last person on your mind? 
Everything that would be going through your mind, especially your regrets 
What would they be?

It is sad because no matter how successful you are, 
what societal status you hold, 
no matter who you are, 
At the end of the day- we are all gonna be equal. 
Simply because death is the ultimate leveler. 
Sounds really morbid, but true.

Not trying to imply that we shouldn't be ambitious at all. 
It is never a bad thing to be ambitious, to set goals for ourselves. 
That's what helps us to reach our fullest potential and achieve success, i wouldn't deny. 
But throughout the entire process of doing so, 
we have a tendency to neglect about so many other important things in life.

At the end of the day, no matter where you are, 
the only place you can always find warmth and comfort in is your home- in your family. 
Failures are inevitable, in every aspect of our lives. 
And during this most horrible and difficult period, you know very well,
who are the ones you can really trust. 
Ultimately those who would stick with you no matter what happens, 
are gonna be the ones who have been with you,
throughout your whole existence on this earth. 
It's sad how we inadvertently neglect our family as we grow older. 
Maybe because we are too caught up with achieving our goals or meeting expectations. 
Our minds are so preoccupied with everything, our lives become so hectic
We somehow stop finding time for our family. 
No matter how much i hate to admit this, but its true. 
I am guilty of this too, despite being only 19. 
As the level of education gets higher, we start to have less time 
because most of our time is spent in school 
(projects, meetings, rushing assignments, revision etc). 
And even when there is time, the first people we would think of to meet.. are our friends, right? 
Haha yeah, applies to me too.

But we need to stop taking them for granted (although unintentional) 
and assume that everything is going to be there... permanently/forever you know? 
Everything changes and life is so unpredictable, it makes me afraid. 
When i lost my grandma in the middle of this year, it really hit me so hard. 
I know i have never expressed this (its really personal) 
but i just wished that i had gone to visit more when i could. 
I spent so much time working and simply assumed that everything would be fine. 
It always was. 
Didn't expect her condition to be anything serious 
because every time i asked mum about it, 
it wouldn't be bad news. 
But the last time i visited her, she wasn't able to speak anymore. 
It was even difficult for her to eat the dumplings i made her before going over. 
At that point of time my heart really ached so badly, 
i was trying so hard to hold my tears back. 
Then a couple of days later when i was planning to visit her after my shift, 
i received the worst piece of news ever that she had passed away. 
The feeling was so horrible i couldn't even describe. 
This feeling of being just a little too late
It was such a terrible time at work, felt like crying so badly but i couldn't. 
I couldn't leave the shop either because i was the only person on shift,
Suckiest feeling i have ever experienced. 

Regrets, that was the only thing i thought of. 

When we were kids, we would visit on a weekly basis at least. 
Not that we had a lot to talk about, we were still young after all. 
But i remember how we would just be over, playing playstation, drawing, etc 
And having meals prepared by her and mum together. 
But as we all grew older, we started to have less time to visit. 
Well, mum would still go over but we would be so busy, we couldn't make it. 
From a weekly basis to maybe a monthly one, or even months. 
Earlier this year, we celebrated her birthday w her. 
Was really glad that i managed to go over before work to do so. 
She was really so happy to see us
You could just tell, in her eyes, her voice, her laugh, everything. 

Unconditional and incomparable 
The greatest love you could ever receive from, is the one from your family. 
You realize no matter what mistakes we make, we will always be forgiven. 
These mistakes made would be forgotten and erased. 
No matter how badly others might think of us, 
we will always be placed in the best and most positive light ever in their eyes. 
The most incredible and extraordinary form of love, 
from the ones who would never judge or forget you. 
So don't, don't ever neglect or forget about them. 

Treasure and live, with no regrets at all.